stand back – there’s still a pulse!

Day three of working on an immense website to do with cholesterol. I have spent a huge amount of time this year getting my head together with designers to create animations, writing scripts for possible video content with an interactive film maker, driving with strategists the overall messaging, not to mention planning the structure of it with an oddly volatile and passionate information architect.

But when your client is a massive international pharmaceutical company there are many hoops to squirm through. The sign off process is very lengthy. Marketing people have to okay anything you’ve written, as do the medical people and, of course, the legal people. Unless you know exactly what you’re doing, your copy can come back clinically dead, with any signs of life carefully excised from it.

Then there are the dreaded words “let’s put it into research”. This sounds very scientific, but it what this means is your work gets discussed in a room full of people who are intent on scarfing free biscuits, and will base their opinions on the fact that someone doesn’t like blue. And there is always the dreaded person in a focus group who will steamroller everyone else into agreeing with their own randomly derived opinion.

Research can also induce narcolepsy, or worse. After the 6th hour of watching people through a two way mirror discuss incontinence, for example, you find that you would rather stick your head into a blender than hear another word on the subject. This is when after checking that your client is safely asleep, you turn to the trolley of drinks, look at your watch (which is telling you it is only 4.00pm) and chug down anything with alcohol in it.

Eventually though, you develop predictive skills, and use the copywriter’s black arts to avoid the whips and scorns of lawyers, and medics and marketing people, and those willing to take a quick £25 and all the crisps they can eat to give you an opinion.

Ultimately there is nothing like getting your work back in something like the shape you sent it off in: alive, warm and decidedly human.

By Peter Kenny

I lead a double life. Identity #1. A writer of poems, comedy plays, dark fiction and the odd libretto. Identity #2: A marketing outlier, working with London creative agencies and my own clients as a copywriter and creative consultant.

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