Whoah! This Click Bait Will Make Your Head Explode! Number 4 Will Stun You.

The Slow Mo Guys-WaterMelon Exploding-6

This click bait will make your head explode

Like a fish that never learns, I’ve lost count of the times I have swallowed this kind of click bait headline. Here is the click bait headline formula in five easy stages.

1. Opening ejaculation. This mimic the reaction of crazed, bug-eyed excitement the person who has just seen this list of images must emit. Sometimes these ejaculations are inarticulate Wow! or Woahs! If the ejaculation is allowed to forms itself into words then it must reflect how the target audience will speak. So… Too cool! OMG! Awesome!.

2. What it is. Right after this expression of unconstrained excitement you get to the meat of it. Sometimes this can be quite prosaic as in 54 “Colorized” Photos Will Blow You Away. The blow you away part is there because the notion of colourised photographs may have momentarily dampened your clicking ardour.

3. The number.  People love lists, of course, but they also like to know that they are letting themselves in for. The click is a tiny leap of faith, and one only to be taken when you know you are going to get 20 photos of RiRi’s wardrobe malfunctions for example, before we take our life in our hands.

4. The Special One. The final part of this formula is The Special One. I know I promised Number 4 would stun you, but it doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it is far enough down the list to keep us scrolling through to reach it. Is it that special? Clue: it ain’t.

5. Click bait tempts us when we are aimless. It isn’t called bait for nothing. There’s a hook in there somewhere, able to snag in and drag us deeper into endless, ever more meaningless lists.

While click bait headlines are an effective formula to meet the standard marketing challenge of having to announce something, they are cheesy. Is it just me, or is this formula already on the wane? One thing’s for sure. There will come a day this click bait formula will seem so quaintly retro, that people will shake their heads in wonder that we ever took the bait.

About Peter Kenny

I lead a double life. Identity #1. A writer of poems, plays, libretti, prose, journalism and so on. Identity #2: A marketing outlier, working with London creative agencies and my own clients as a copywriter and creative consultant.
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